im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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