i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
