he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
