Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
