I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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