Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
