If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
