when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
