no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
