I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
two words...techno handjob
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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