Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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