who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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