If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you win again, gameday.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
