I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
