Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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