The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
