he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
the raccoons are back...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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