I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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