You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
