Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
