I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I love you. Go after that dick
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
