i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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