I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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