Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
