So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
