....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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