i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
