Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
