i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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