Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
