so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
