you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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