Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
