Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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