How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
