we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
