I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
