This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
