Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
