If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
