I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
