Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
