I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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