I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
