so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
