I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
