i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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