Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
