Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
