You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
