ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
