yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
