I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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