don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
